Another way to recount the day.

I call it, "the Things I Attempted to Drink Today.

Happy birthday, darling. We love you very very very very very very very much.

How Andrea's actual birthday went was a shame. We tried to make up for it the day after.

Setting: Andrea's house, and Round the Clock.
Characters: Anastasia, that's me; Andrea, my pseudo-sister and best-friend-I'm-not-fucking; Mary Kate, the girl next door; Jim and Jason, the boys; Julie, our other friend who doesn't like to stay up all night; Ryan, the President of our chapter of The Young Democrats even though he's not a democrat (he's more liberal than that); Stella, Ryan's gorgeous Guatemalan girlfriend; Brad, the manager and DILF; and a cast of obnoxious 16-year olds and other people.

The day really started with a trip to Meijer for groceries. We bought mushrooms and herbs and butter, and Andrea got cigarettes. She was disappointed because she didn't get carded.
When we got home, I made lunch. The Menu: A spinach and mixed herb salad with flowers, Spaghetti with pesto sauce(made with nastertiums), Mushrooms a la grecque, and Sauteed zucchini with fresh herbs. That was when Mary Kate showed up. After everything was ready, we all sat down to a nice, green meal. They loved it. And there was frozen lemon cake for dessert.

Behind the garage is, as we discovered, an excellent place to smoke, so after lunch we headed back and remained there for several hours. Eventually Jim, Stella and Ryan, and Julie showed up(in that order). After Julie got there, we headed out to Schoop's and the tobacco shop next to Schoop's. There, Andrea bought an adorable little pipe, for the sole reason that it was adorable and cheap.
Schoop's was pretty uninteresting, save that the booths are so small we had to get two. We felt bad, and got french fries to make up for it.

When we got back home, Mary Kate and Stella and Ryan had to leave. So they did. the rest of us got chairs and went into the garage. For them, it was substance time. for me, photo time. and then, per usual, the guitars came out. Everything rang with song.

Round the Clock was as long as usual, but in the middle (sometime after Andrea had her snicker pie and sometime before Julie had a pecan roll) a girl that hates Julie for some reason showed up. Julie and I decided to leave and get batteries (which we needed anyways).

Meijer was fun. There were boys in white jeans and stolen bottles of glue for ashtrays as well as the batteries we had planned on. When we got back, the girl was stillt here, so we sat outside and applied glue to the test ashtray and talked for an hour or so. Eventually, the girl we were avoiding left, and we headed back in.

Besides the pecan roll and a little haggling between Jim and Andrea about money, not much else happened. We went home to our respective places of sleep. And slept.

I really am that forgetful.

It's been almost a week since this happened. Better late than never, right? I think it may have something to do with that dream.

Setting: Andrea's basement and Round the Clock, in that order.
Characters: Anastasia, that's me; Andrea, my pseudo-sister and best-friend-I'm-not-fucking; Jim and Jason, the boys; Derek, a 16 year-old with two different kinds of ADD and slight autism (in other words, he's all over the place. His heart is in the right place though, I think.); Mike, a vaguely cute guitar genius; Jake, Jim's younger brother; and Matty, Andrea's little brother.

The night started out at Andrea's house with a jam session far surpassing any jam sessions we may have had in the past. There were 4 guitars, one of which was electric, most of us sang at one point, and Jim recorded bits and pieces of it.

One thing he didn't get, however, was a cover of Two Headed Boy parts one and two by Neutral Milk Hotel that Andrea and I did. We used a Martin guitar instead of Andrea's Epiphone, and it made all the difference. At that point everyone had left the basement besides Jim, Andrea and I, and it was Jim's first time hearing the song. I half watched him, half watched her, and spent part of the time with closed eyes. At some points, we all three had our eyes closed. Easily the best cover we have ever done.
It was eerily moving.

After that, with the three of us completely laid bare emotionally, everyone came back inside. We decided to go to Round the clock, and upon arrival, Brad gave us a full pack of Virginia Slim cigarettes. An hour or so later and we were back home.

Of Earthworms and Ovaries

I really don't understand this dream. At all. And it won't leave me alone.

Setting: I'm not sure. For a while it's in a church basement, then a parking lot of a possible hospital.
Characters: Anastasia, that's me; A man with dark hair, possibly a dead uncle of mine that I didn't know exsisted until I related this dream to my mother (in which case his name is Ernie); and Neutral Milk Hotel, a band from the 90's.

In the supposed basement of a church I met this man with dark hair. I've dreamed about him before, and he generally surfaces as an uncle I thought didn't actually exsist. Apparently, he's my dead Uncle Ernie, who was shot before I was even thought of. We tend to talk about everything when he shows up, and this time it was music. He always knows what's going on, and we had an incredible conversation about Neutral Milk Hotel, among other things. He was sad that they only had two albums also.

Later I found myself driving home from a possible hospital of some sort with a Neutral Milk Hotel tape in the player. I had to stop for an ambulance full of Neutral Milk Hotel. I didn't get to talk to most of them, but i sorely wanted to. One of them, most likely Jeff Mangum, picked up a handful of earthworms that appeared in swarms out of nowhere and held them to my ear.

they were singing Oh Comely.

Oh comely I will be with you when you lose your breath
Chasing the only meaningful memory you thought you had left
With some pretty bright and bubbly
terrible scene That was doing her thing on your chest
But oh comely It isn't as pretty as you'd like to guess
Oh comely all of your friends are letting you blow
Bristling and ugly bursting with fruits falling out from the holes
Of some pretty bright and bubbly
friend You could need to say comforting things in your ear
But oh comely there isn't such one friend that you could find here
Standing next to me He's only my enemy
I'll crush him with everything I own
Your father made fetuses with flesh licking ladies
While you and your mother were asleep in the trailer park
Thunderous sparks from the dark of the stadiums
The music and medicine you needed for comforting
So make all your fat fleshy fingers to moving
And pluck all your silly strings and bend all your notes for me
Soft silly music is meaningful magical
The movements were beautiful all in your ovaries
All of them milking with green fleshy flowers
While powerful pistons were sugary sweet machines
Smelling of semen all under the garden
Was all you were needing when you still believed in me
Say what you want to say
hang for your hollow ways
moving your mouth the pull out all your miracles
for me
And I know they buried her body with others
Her sister and mother and 500 families
And will she remember me 50 years later
I wished I could save her in some sort of time machine
Know all your enemies we know who are enemies are
Goldaline my dear we will fold and freeze together
Far away from here there is sun and spring and green forever
But now we move to feel for ourselves inside some stranger's stomach
Place your body here let your skin begin to blend itself with mine
-Neutral Milk Hotel, Oh Comely

Who knew the princes of Serbia liked family dining?

More importantly, who knew the princes of Serbia liked drinking and yelling about how this country is horrible, but they love Bush?

Setting: Where else but our Round the Clock?
Characters: Anastasia, that's me; Andrea, my pseudo-sister and best-friend-I'm-not-fucking; Jim and Jason, the boys; Nichole, the most inept waitress on the planet; Nick, the waiter; Brad, the manager and DILF; and the Princes of Serbia.

It was night two of a RTC double header, and therefore Andrea and I were angry that we went out. This may or may not have had something to do with the bizarro double-header anxiety that took place (both of us had anxiety attacks; this is highly unusual and completely unprecedented). It was horrible- Andrea curled up into a ball and I sat there shaking. Jim looked worried.

After we had both calmed down and several hours passed, the drunks at the table behind us started talking about (bad) music, and how they love said music. At one point this went from music to politics, and they declared their royalist, anti-communist beliefs. I'm a communist.

I quote the louder drunk guy, "No o-fucking-ffense." Wouldn't the 'fucking' in the middle imply offense? But who could have known that they were the drunk princes of Serbia, still angry that their parents were evicted from their home country by commies?

It was a time full of anger. I started asking if anyone had gags to shut everyone up. Jim ran outside because he got so angry. Andrea began feeling nauseated.

then they left.

Really, It's the same story.

There is nothing new about what I have to say. When I say it's exactly the same, I mean it. Another late night, the same pseudo crushes, everything. These both revolve around drifting away from the restaurant.

Setting: That all night diner Round the Clock, Jason's basement, and also Andrea's basement.
Characters: Anastasia, that's me; Andrea, my pseudo-sister and best-friend-I'm-not-fucking; Julie, our other friend who doesn't like to stay up all night; Jim and Jason, the boys; Josh Brown, called Josh Brown because his skin is brown; Nick; the waiter; and Lou, another waiter who looks like the guy who played Herman Munster on The Munsters.

The first night started out a liitle odd, with a trip to Walgreens for blank cds in the pouring rain and a hand-coloured paper sleeve for said cd. We were dressed up. After the traditional endless Round the Clock experience, including a disappearing waitress and the discovery that Lou was the only waiter in the whole place, we up and left.

It was 6:30 in the morning and we couldnt go home. Instead, we followed Jim, Jason, and Josh Brown to Jason's basement. Jim and Jason have a similar living arrangement to Andrea and I in that Jim pretty much lives at Jason's. I f0und that slightly comforting.

Jason's basement has bugs and recording equipment. Jim also needs a mic stand and I found that slightly comforting. There was also a couch that shed and got stuffing all over my black dress, and a hole for the sump-pump/toilet water intake pipe.


When we got down to playing music, I knew Andrea had no idea Jim had turned on the recording program. She didnt realize it until after he turned it off. There's about 25 minutes total (my estimate). We were there for 3 hours, and switched off playing between the boys and us. The best bits, however, were most likely the collaborations, with Josh (who was for the most part obnoxious but woth mentioning) playing percussion on the keyboard and Jim on violin. I don't know how much of those were recorded. We got home at 9:30, and it occurred to me that i stayed awake for 28 hours.

The events of night two are, as I stated, shockinigly similar. The oddities this time were based on drugs, plain and simple. Drugs and Julie. Julie came with in a shocking turn of events (known as "Julie wants to do something with us"), and so they smoked pot. I don't do those things because I'm paranoid and need to know everything that is happening at all times. Julie stayed with us all night, which is also out of character for her, but it seemed like she was happy when we headed back to Andrea's with Jim in tow. Technically, I invited him.

We got there and Andrea's mother was awake for some reason. Really, she didn't care. We stayed outside anyways. Jim and Julie took turns on the trampoline, and it turns out that Jim is an acrobat of sorts. At about 6 Julie went home, and Jim, Andrea and I took a walk. It was beautiful to watch the sun rise outside and to enjoy at least a part of the day. When we got back Andrea's mother was on the porch and waiting for someone to pick her up.

After she left, we headed to the basement and played music in turns some more until Jim had to go to traffic school.

The only thing I worry about now is the look that Jason gave me aswe were leaving. It said "don't lead him on" and I worry about who it was meant for. I'm doing the best I can. If he falls in love with us, the only hope I have is that it's the same love Andrea and I are both spiraling into. It's not romantic, but it tends to be just as strong.

There's a line between dysfunction and abuse.

The question is, where is that line, and how thick is it?
Every time Kyle gets in trouble over nothing, that same question comes up. It's stupid stuff, like being fifteen minutes late or forgetting to call on his way home from school, but every time it ends in one of those screaming fights that make him want to die and often the loss of his cell phone.
The important part here isn't the cell phone loss, it's the fights where he can't make points or he's told to 'shut the fuck up' (especially if they're valid points). I had a conversation about this with a friend, and she said "At least it isnt physical abuse... it could be worse".Whether it could be worse or not isn't the point; regardless of how bad it is in comparison with all of the evil in the world it's still abuse and it's still horrible when you have to live with it.
I know.
I had to deal with it in some form too.
It seems to be hard for her to understand because she lives in gross dysfunction. There's yelling, yes, and it's consistent, but she can fight back. she isn't helpless and regardless of how much they're yelling she still gets her point across. It's hard for me to explain because of that line... I don't know where it stands and how thick it is. It seems that it would be slight, but when it comes down to it the differences between dysfunction and abuse are more obvious than not. It's like the line between abuse and torture.

"If anybody wants a bird, I can sing like a canary."

-A woman on NPR the other day.

Setting: Suzie's driveway, a parking lot in Park Forest, 'Airplane Jesus' Cemetary, Kyle's house, the hose of the people I babysit for
Characters: Anastasia, that's me; Andrea, my pseudo-sister and best-friend-I'm-not-fucking; Suzie, our beautiful gothic friend; Monica, fuschia-haired friend of Suzie; and other obnoxious people Suzie knows

The incident of fireworks was tuesday, the 4th of July. We pulled in front of Suzie's house just as she pulled up next to us.
"FOLLOW ME!"
After 15 minutes of the winding side roads of Park Forest, we parked in a lot eerily close to where we started. In this case, the fireworks took a background role to silent glow-stick raves, more Marlboro 27s (the bronze box from another post) , ice cream cake, calls from people from July 2nd into the 3rd, and stupid fights between children and parents (but not in that order).


Also, Round the Clock from 11:30 to 6:3o. Last night was watercolours painted with Sweet N Lo packets. We are realizing that We have crushes on all of these boys; James (turns out he prefers James to Jim- I can sympathize), Jason, Nick and Brad. All of them.
James is a tree too. And Nick knows... He knows it all, man. This morning we were "kits and cats".

I can't get the look on his face out of my head.

It was a dream a few weeks ago, but this boy I saw is still hanging around.

Setting: in my dreams. More specifically, in a Chinese restaurant, a Halloween store, and a toy shop/ blimp dock.
Characters: a Russian socialist revolutionary, based in looks on the lead singer from Unique Chique and also Ken, the older brother of a friend of mine; some sort of evil mastermind bent on killing our young revolutionary; Nana, my maternal grandmother; our young revolutionary's body double; Anastasia, that's me; and assorted relatives.

At a Chinese restaurant in my dreams, I ate dinner with my Nana and assorted other relatives. Being the bored person that I am, I looked around the room and noticed a slightly young man with stringy blonde hair and a big jacket in the corner. He was enjoying his soup immensely and I realized that he was a socialist revolutionary from Russia, hiding from the man trying to kill him.

My family left, and I walked up to him and began to talk to him. We walked outside, only to run into the evil mastermind bent on the destruction of our young revolutionary. I screamed and tried to shield the young man from the beam of this guy's death-ray (it turned you into ash), but somehow he managed to hit him anyways. In a fit of anguish over the death of this boy who was going to change the world, I grabbed the death-ray out of the evil mastermind's hands and shot him. As he disintegrated, my new found friend the revolutionary appeared from behind a bush and explained that only his body double had been killed. Needless to say, I was relieved.

The rest of the dream consisted of he (this Russian socialist revolutionary) and I dodging the henchman of the now dead evil man out to kill him. We hid in costume shops and toy stores, until in the blimp hangar of the toy store the evil man we presumed was dead appeared and tried to kill our young revolutionary again.
He succeeded.

I woke up, teary eyed and afraid to face a world where villains come back from the dead to kill our heroes.

There is a reason for all of this.

This because of what happened last night. We spent six hours at this restaurant. Six hours is a long time, and it was one of the best experiences of my life.

Setting: Round The Clock, a 24-hour restaurant.
Characters: Anastasia, that's me; Andrea, my pseudo-sister and best-friend-who-I'm-not-fucking; Nick, the waiter; Brad, the manager and DILF; Jose and Rob, the drunk vegetarians; Jason and Jim AKA Jay and silent Bob, the two boys we've met at said restaurant before; and an assorted cast of drunks and teenagers.

We arrived at midnight, because being lame kids from the south-eastern-most suburbs of Chicago that's really all we do. There was a new waiter named Nick who looked like an average guy, but turned out to be a history major who loves Kerouac and obscure movies )which he called "flicks"). He is an excellent waiter. Andrea snapped at him and he came running because he thought it was funny, he called me "darlin" when replenishing my hot water for tea, and he eventually gave Andrea a Camel Light cigarette.
An hour or so into the night two drunk vegetarian men sat down at our table and hung on us for a while. Jose (one of them who claimed to be vegan) gave Andrea three Newports (which, although they are menthol cigarettes they still taste better than Basics, the cigarettes we had been smoking. We are poor, and sometimes have to steal cigarettes from Andrea's mother.), including one that he just left on the table. When they left we heaved sighs of relief.
The next several hours were spent conversing with Jim and Jason. Who knew they liked indie rock? More importantly, who knew they played it? After the rest of the pack of Basics, several Marlboros (they were in a bronze-ish box, I don't know what kind they were), and the Camel Light from Nick, we went outside. Jim played a CD with music from their band, The Union Forever, and then took out an acoustic guitar. He plays all of this folk.
This progressed into some sort of sing-along acoustic show in the parking lot, and several teenagers stood outside and listened. At about 5 AM a van full of drunk men showed up, and one attempted to play the guitar. Direct quote: "I used to know this song when I was sober!" the teenagers left at about 5:30, and the drunk men left around 5:45.
Then it started raining. No, pouring. Like crazy. Jim, Jason, Andrea and I went inside. We played that classic children's car ride game 'A my name is Andrea, My husband's name is Al, We come from Alabama, and we sell apples" with Brad. We made it through the entire alphabet.
At 6AM we left. on the way home, we realized that Andrea's mother might be awake. She wasn't.

It was one of the best nights of my life, and even though this is just a rough outline it is sufficient.